The friendly skies.

I’m not a crier, especially not in public. Sure, a good Hallmark will get me from time to time (… put on a movie with a dog, and you’ll get me every time), but I’ll let out a fake yawn as the tears flow and quickly wipe my face.

However, I am now not only a frequent flyer, but also a frequent crier as of December in the friendly skies.

I suppose being so high up, in the clouds, with the changing colors of the sky, that I find myself as close as can be to one of my best friends.

In these moments, I talk to him, remember him, remember us.

Although, on my final flight from Beijing to Chicago, not only did I cry for the loss of Chris, but also for the loss of my year in China.

I’ve said it before, this year was hard. We dealt with a lot of shit and there were times I did not deal with it well. 

I became frustrated, manipulative, depressed, angry… but no matter which stage in life you are, or where you are, it’s not always going to be easy. Life can be f*ing hard.

“You cannot always control your situation, but you can control how you react to it”

With all of my moaning and groaning about the smells, the food, the bad manners… I can’t help, but remember all of the beautiful people I have met, the random acts of kindness shown to me, and how spectacular and vast this world truly is.

In recent situations, I took a more empathetic approach. We are all human, each of us having our own faults, but also our own strengths, perspectives, and feelings. 

This post is a contradiction to the last.

My last days in China, my eyes, ears, and heart were more open. More aware. I saw the positive over the negative.

I recognized that I didn’t go through this year alone.

My family and friends back home were there for me, providing never-ending love. They laughed with me, cried with me, and during difficult times supported me. They listened and offered advice after an emotional day, but never judged. They monitored and tracked my location. They also shared their life with me… so that I never felt too far away.

Laura, Charity, and Jordan. Together, we traveled, confided, laughed, cried, screamed, gossiped, and forgave. As a group, we went through our own rollercoaster. We have our differences, but this experience brought us together.

We formed a bond that cannot be broken. I toast each of you, appreciative of the roles you played in my life this past year.

My students, their parents, and a handful of the Chinese teachers & staff- they were the light in an often dark school.

Oona. For the cuddles, love, companionship, and always keeping me on my toes.

I suppose this is what happens at the end of a journey. We become softer, kinder. I can only hope that I carry this mentality into my next journey… having my eyes, ears, and heart be more open. More aware.