3 weeks in and to the day, I had my first, “China is F****ing weird” moment. It wasn’t anything specific that happened, or was said, it was just an overall realization… while crossing the street. Or attempting to cross the street anyhow. Everything in China, is a challenge to say the least.
I stayed on campus this past weekend, which could have been the culprit for my current disdain. At the time, being financially responsible sounded like the best choice. Little did I know, there would be no WiFi and we would be served white rice and a range of mystery vegetables. Needless to say: my body learned the meaning of starvation.
My gal pal and I did the best we could to make do… We explored our “under construction” campus. We drank champagne and played monopoly. We went for runs and bike rides. I finally found our small town: stores I’ve previously mistaken for dilipidated huts, restaurants that only those with iron clad stomachs would venture into, and farmers chilling on the side of the road with their local produce. I bought a baby watermelon for 5¥. Buying that watermelon was another challenge: Asians yelling at me about the price, or lord only knows what. I still don’t know. I wanted to yell back, “Screaming does not change the fact that I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU!” What I went through to put that cute piece of fruit in my bike basket…
Oh, and China smells.
On Sunday, I was driven into town to pick up ingredients for the Western Cooking Class. Grocery shopping has always been relaxing for me. I look forward to leisurely, walking up and down the aisles, checking items off my lists…. or referring to Pinterest for all of the tasty meals and treats I want to whip up. However, there I was… in the middle of Carrefour, again being yelled at by Asians, workers taking my phone to scan discounts on to WeChat, being pushed and shoved by carts and small children, and not knowing what in the hell this food was they were trying to sell and not knowing where a damn thing was. To make matters worse, after an hour of hell, I left Carrefour to realize I was stranded. My driver left, under the assumption I would take a taxi home! This language barrier is no joke. I had no ¥ and Didi was down for the weekend. There I was, standing on a street corner, surrounded by grocery bags, screaming at my Mother at 5am, Chicago time.
On a side note, I time traveled to 1960 this morning. This “Health Clinic” was something straight out of a sci fi movie, or parody. In order to obtain our visas, we are required to get a health check. After filling out a short form and standing in a long line, we were given a list similar to a scavenger hunt. This list contained 7 tasks, which were to be stamped by separate “Doctors” after each was completed. The only way to explain the tasks, otherwise known as “surgical procedures”…. is to think back to a hospital in the 60’s, with the “doctors” and “nurses” in white uniforms and dresses, complete with white tights, shoes, and bonnets. Or to rewatch an outdated horror movie that takes place in a mental institution…. I put “” because these people were definitely not legitimate doctors OR nurses. They just couldn’t be.
In Room 208, you received an ultrasound on a dingy, dirty bed to make sure your kidneys and liver were healthy…. In Room 204, again you laid down. This time you lift your top and metal cuffs are clasped to your arms and one of your legs. They then place metal suction cups around your breasts and you “take a rest”. Super WEIRD! The whole thing had me sketched out. When you are done with your scavenger hunt, you wait in another long line to turn in your completed task sheet. I’ll do a separate blog for expats in need of a health check in China. From X-rays to blood being drawn, I feel like one needs to be prepared for this… unique medical experience.
And in order to complete your forms, you will need to bring 2 passport photos with you. If you are coming from another country, stop at your local pharmacy (CVS, Walgreens, etc.) and load up on passport photos- you never know for what document you may later need them for. In China, this is another experience all on its own. We were driven last night to at best, a run down strip mall. If I were getting my pictures done in a place such as this, outside of China, I would think that I were about to do something illegal. Like ok, pick out your new name, you’re about to get a new identity illegal. We were ushered in, and one by one, sat in front of the make shift white screen, as the photographer clasped our blouses, and handed us a sweater to cover our bare shoulders, so that little to no skin was shown… all while a man swatted mosquitos with an electric tennis racket.
After that, I needed a drink and headed next door for a cold bottle of beer which I proceeded to drink in the parking lot watching my photo get edited. End result was 8 passport sized photos of my mug.
I’m starting to feel like my parents hate me and shipped me off to boarding school… But then, I wake up and realize I did this all on my own.
At the end of the day, even though frustration is high, and morale is low…. unity and laughter is still at an all time high— we’re getting by with a little help from our friends 🙂
Are you up for a good challenge(s)? Then, China welcomes you.
Even though it may take a 15 minute car ride to get to Walmart for my Diet Coke, caffeine fix, life in the country does have its perks. The air is cleaner, you are provided peace and quiet from the hustle and bustle of the city, you are able to strengthen the bond with those you work and live with, and the daily walks can be quite beautiful… and eventful.
Bearer of Blonde News 